Disclaimer : Contains strong language and worse, strong opinions by a woman !
It was New Year's Eve. I went to Kurry Klub with KB and SB for an early dinner.
This is what I was wearing
1. A red sweater.
2. A black and red skirt.
3. Black Stockings.
4. Red Wedges.
5. Kajal on my eyes and no makeup.
We were done by 9 p.m. and then we stopped at the Shop opposite HDFC ATM on Sarat Bose Road. We wanted to buy chocolates, water and Diet Coke. KB and SB were discussing something in rapt attention. As I was buying the things, a group of respectable looking boys/men came behind me. Initially I paid them no attention, but then my sixth sense told me that they were too close for comfort.
Suddenly, I was greeted with the compliment "Wah kya boobies hai !" followed by "Nice Ass." At this point I tried to catch the attention of my friends but they were a little away and probably could not hear me. I told the shop keeper to hurry up. This seemed to somehow instigate the group. They continued " What's the hurry ? Some one's waiting for you ?" Then a second guy added. "Give her 500. She will wait for you then." Obviously this was the greatest joke of 2013 because it cracked all the boys up. To add to the jocular mood the first guy added "She might need a 1000. Can't you see her skirt is expensive ?"
What can I say except "It's my fault !" It was New Year's eve and how dare I thought that I could enjoy a nice dinner with my friends? How could I even dare to think it was alright for me to want to look pretty and wear a skirt? I should have known men have eyes. And, since men also have mouths and no control, it was only natural that they would compliment me !
Remember that scene from Rowdy Rathore where Akshay Kumar pinches Sonakshi Sinha's waist? When Sonakshi Sinha asks him why he did that, he explains saying that he did try to control but his hand had a mind of its own , therefore he was not to blame . Just his hands. It was Sonakshi Sinha in a sari and her waist that forced him to do it. And ofcourse Sonakshi Sinha enjoys being harassed since he is the hero of the movie. So how can we blame the men of this country for saying things or grazing past a girl's breast or pinching their butt or raping and brutally murdering them? They don't want to do it. It is just their impulse.
And as Kalki Kochlin says it, at the end of it all, " It is my fault ! " Because I am a woman.
It was New Year's Eve. I went to Kurry Klub with KB and SB for an early dinner.
This is what I was wearing
1. A red sweater.
2. A black and red skirt.
3. Black Stockings.
4. Red Wedges.
5. Kajal on my eyes and no makeup.
We were done by 9 p.m. and then we stopped at the Shop opposite HDFC ATM on Sarat Bose Road. We wanted to buy chocolates, water and Diet Coke. KB and SB were discussing something in rapt attention. As I was buying the things, a group of respectable looking boys/men came behind me. Initially I paid them no attention, but then my sixth sense told me that they were too close for comfort.
Suddenly, I was greeted with the compliment "Wah kya boobies hai !" followed by "Nice Ass." At this point I tried to catch the attention of my friends but they were a little away and probably could not hear me. I told the shop keeper to hurry up. This seemed to somehow instigate the group. They continued " What's the hurry ? Some one's waiting for you ?" Then a second guy added. "Give her 500. She will wait for you then." Obviously this was the greatest joke of 2013 because it cracked all the boys up. To add to the jocular mood the first guy added "She might need a 1000. Can't you see her skirt is expensive ?"
What can I say except "It's my fault !" It was New Year's eve and how dare I thought that I could enjoy a nice dinner with my friends? How could I even dare to think it was alright for me to want to look pretty and wear a skirt? I should have known men have eyes. And, since men also have mouths and no control, it was only natural that they would compliment me !
Remember that scene from Rowdy Rathore where Akshay Kumar pinches Sonakshi Sinha's waist? When Sonakshi Sinha asks him why he did that, he explains saying that he did try to control but his hand had a mind of its own , therefore he was not to blame . Just his hands. It was Sonakshi Sinha in a sari and her waist that forced him to do it. And ofcourse Sonakshi Sinha enjoys being harassed since he is the hero of the movie. So how can we blame the men of this country for saying things or grazing past a girl's breast or pinching their butt or raping and brutally murdering them? They don't want to do it. It is just their impulse.
And as Kalki Kochlin says it, at the end of it all, " It is my fault ! " Because I am a woman.
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ReplyDeleteYes, of course it is your fault for looking gorgeous and wearing a SKIRT, of all things. I was wearing a dress. And incidentally, we were both covered from head to toe in all sorts of clothing articles. Just not "mashima-looking" clothing articles with voluminous dupattas hiding strategic portions of our irresistible anatomies.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to mention, just for a record, the other incidents that happened that same night.
Incident 1: You and I walked into a medicine shop to buy bottles of water at 10.30 that night. (It was the only one open that late) Every single person in the shop, from customers to shopkeepers, pretended we were invisible and mute, and ignored our repeated queries as to the price of the bottles and etc. for about 5 whole minutes, except to throw the odd glare our way. It was only after I went and loudly thumped down the bottles we were trying to buy at the counter and told you loudly, "Let's never ever come back to this shop again, okay?" that the shopkeeper deigned to actually acknowledge our presence and condescended to take money from me.
Incident 2: Immediately post-invisibility-experience, we were walking back down the road when a guy openly leches at you, and then growls out in a loud voice, "Dekhei bara sontushti." He said this and went off too fast for us to react, really.
Ah, the joys of street harassment. (Not even mentioning the general disapproving stares we were attracting from random people on the road.)
Also, the reason why we needed to buy water so late was because, I forgot to pick up the water from the first shop because I was getting harassed.
DeleteThank you for adding that !!
ReplyDeleteAlso we are super humans. Invisible one second and way too visible the next.
Yesterday, I was in a bus, wearing a red pullover that was high neck (K would vouch for that, she saw me in it), a pair of pants, and my favorite brown wedges. My "fault"? Red lipstick and the boobage which is visible. This guy stared at both all through my ride, and when I got up to get down from the bus, he said, under his breath, "chete khete ichhe kore". Ick.
ReplyDelete@ Poorna Banerjee. Always remember that is your fault. Even if you were wearing a sack and a mask it would have still been your fault . It is the XY chromosomes in you.
DeleteP.S, - Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely! How could I have been so blind! Everything about me screams XY. Shoot! I need to shoot myself and be reborn as something else.
DeleteIt's actually the men who have XY, women have XX (this clarification is pointless in case I didn't understand your statements). A reason why it is stupid for blaming (and then shaming/honour killing) the wife (as it so often still happens) for giving birth to a girl instead of a boy.
DeleteYou are right ! It is the women who have XX chromosomes. It was typo on my part !
DeleteNeeded to share my oldest friend's (ASP) comments here :
ReplyDeletehmm disturbing as they are the worst part is that this kind of thing happens so often still in our society. and we who celebrate the coming home of a Goddess every year with so much pomp and show and send her off in equal style
truly sad.
I used to come back home from Gariahat at around 815-830pm after my bengali classes and I remember one night some random guy started asking me all sorts of questions like "where are you from?" and once I told him US, he started asking me "is it true that Americans have sex 24/7?"
ReplyDeleteI tried to get away from him, I thought he had gone to catch a bus, so I had started walking down towards the auto stand at Ballygunge, and next thing I know he caught up to me. Well, we get in the auto and this idiot tries to feel my boobies up. I kept telling him no, and it still went on, pretty much the whole ride home. I managed to get his phone number, and I found out where he saw me from (the tea stall near our house).
I promptly came home and told the husband who tried to call this jerk, who incidentally, didn't answer his phone. From then on I never went to the tea shop alone, I always took my huge hulking neighbor with me :D
Thank you Madam Cha na Coffee
DeleteIf I remember correctly you had to face similar incidents at a popular joint in town Oly ?
well, yes, i get leered at quite often at oly, enough to the point where I have to say something. I have also gotten the head motion for being propositioned on Park Street.
ReplyDeleteI love that you pointed out the Rowdy Rathore thing. It reminded me of this incident where we were all attending a seminar in my college arranged by the Women's Studies department shortly after the Delhi incident. And one of my department's professors point out that men who watch and enjoy movies like this and Dabang and see nothing wrong with the women's treatment have little to no right crying out "we are allies" in the feminist movement.
ReplyDelete